EP52: I will hug you

A strong candidate for America’s Top Male our guest hails from the sandy canyons of California wielding Mjölnir high above his head and will smash your containers apart or fill them beyond capacity… if that’s what his heart truly desires. This guy is above and beyond what a man can be and he wants to…

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EP51: We got you on the first try

Moonlighting as a go-go dancer in Kentucky, ritual make out sessions at age eleven, defunct flowers in the top bunk at the prom lake house, this guest throws curve ball after curve ball at your hosts. Our guest spills the deeply personal tale of how he and the Brian Mental Health Team helped this independent…

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EP50: Get things back up again

Amazon Women on the Moon’s theme song and the story of America’s Most Wanted serial killer, the notorious “Pumpkin Head,” paint a perfect picture of this military brat’s sordid past. Hear his story of how a childhood spent roughed up by his brothers and awkwardly close to his mother made him too insecure to realize…

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EP49: Different Lives

My mustachioed guest Colton and his brother Brock joined me in a warm and lighthearted conversation about what it was like to go to school in England, dating feisty Italian women, haggling on the fringe in Singapore, and why Putin is sexy, but only in Russian…

EP48: I was well on my way

If you want a little backstory on our guest Benji than listen to the song “She Bangs” by Ricky Martin, and that’s all you need to know. From fitting condoms on bananas to turning down oral at the grocery store, this episode is as sweet as ice-cream being eaten out of your ass, and as raunchy as vomit down your back when you’re going down…

EP47: Daughter of Babylon

Wish you never had to go to school? Well maybe you’ll be raised by independent fundamentalist baptists in your next life. Eve discusses her life long struggle with the shame brought on by religion, sexual watermelons, how having a penis would have helped her become a drummer, and the fun she and her lover have keeping score on their rare days off.

EP46: I like the way this guy smells

If you are the swarthy type of guy then our bejeweled guest might imagine you without any arms or legs when he sizes you up. If you’re a lady, he might just enjoy your hair. This only child explains why he has no use for a gold star, the connection he made between women and bowling balls, and why making pals at P.A.L.S. electrified his toes.

EP45: Blowjobs are a handshake

The great laugh on this wonderful man says more than words will ever capture. Ceaser is a truly gentle two-spirited soul, warm and welcoming, and as perverted as you dare to imagine.. You don’t have to though, because he is open about his experiences cruising the woods, running from diapered men on the beach in Delaware, and breaking down the stigma of one of the most notorious diseases of all time.

EP44: “Oh, THAT Mother…”

Evolving from a young carny into the therapist/counselor she is today was no walk in the park for our guest. Charmagne tells us how she lost her virginity to marijuana, $1.50 pony rides, and eventually finding out that her parents weren’t actually her parents at all…

EP43: Cock Tale Party #3 (Bone-crushingly lonely)

PDX cock-tale mixer with Adam Pasi, Chad Opitz, Chris Conatser, and Jeff Zamaria at the Bagdad Theater. The movie heard playing in the background sets the tone for revealing revelations of sex workers, mint chocolate seductions, heads lost sniffing glue, crying after blowjobs, and stories so over the top we were eventually asked to leave…

EP42: Putting worms on each other

Who has time to bother with what’s going on with your hair when you are busy riding bikes and playing in the mud? All the girls wearing bras in gym class seemed silly to Verronica,  until the fateful day came when even the golden child needed the support. Men and women are all worthy of…

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EP40: Wanna help me dry?

What do three comedians in a room full of clown paintings have in common? We all love talking about sex! Belinda Carroll and I interview Joann Schinderle about untimely masturbation, unsolicited dick pics, why AIDS isn’t great pillow talk, and how shame wasn’t even on this CIS white girl’s radar.

EP39: Okay with being okay

Sometimes you can have hypochondria, a panic disorder, PTSD, throw your step-father in prison when you are 23 years old, suffer from trauma anxiety, and not have the ability to have a glass of wine or toke of weed to get away from it all… and still be alright. Everybody fall in love with Audrey like we did.

EP38: The Fresh Prince of Boring

In this episode Zaeli interviews Chris about his pattern of abuse in relationships, unexpected foursomes, winning the lottery, joking about his abortion as a coping mechanism, and why he loves to dress up as a woman. 

EP37: Started with a robot blowjob

Dumb butts and big butts and stupid butts, oh my! From researching man handling techniques online to using vibrators before there were even vibrators, traveling chuckle fuckers Mike and Evan of Baton Rouge share their platonic love and mutual affinity for doing everything but fucking.

EP36: It’s gonna be what it’s supposed to be

Our guest this week is the man who had the balls to make Zaeli a wife! Listen as Chris asks Joe all the questions Megyn Kelly was too Megyn Kelly to pose during their appearance on her hour of The Today Show. Marvel as the famously dashing Joe pulls back the curtain on his own…

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EP35: That’s what got me into nursing

Alpha Female Marta was more than excited to sit down and share her sex life on her son’s podcast. That’s right, Chris’s Mother wowed our hosts with stories of human trafficking, FBI agents and their micro-gadgets, older men exploiting her in a good way, and how the staff at hospitals play doctor to kill the time.

EP33: The quiet ones are the freaky ones

If all of our internet connections were as slow as they used to be, perhaps we would be forced to utilize our imaginations… would that be so bad? Our guest doesn’t think so. Once a young giant, G-Su explains why growing up in Brownsville, TX. led to a role as a Nazi, the reason he is known to some as “Juice”, and why he lived a year of his life as a “yes man”.

EP32: The logical and handsome ones

With a comb pulled through his coal black hair, and suited up from head to toe, our guest takes his cues from classic gents like Carey Grant and James Bond. The suspiciously Vulcan like comedian explains why he has abstained from sex for 33 years, how he is no cafeteria Catholic, and that aside from his forearms, he has nothing to hide…

EP28: Not even counting the little things

Do you remember your life before 7th grade? For a long time our guest couldn’t recall much of her youth. She does remember feeling love in extremes, taking a shot at being a man, getting carded under awkward circumstances, standing up against a terrible improviser, and throwing her own birthday parties. This is a surprisingly light episode considering the heavy subject matter, you have been warned!

EP24: Cock Tale Party #2

Gather round the campfire everybody, Chris is dead sober and burning some old furniture, taking turns with the main brain Zaeli on the mic getting ALL the dirty deets on botched threesomes, little dicks, curious butts, gonorrhea, and all other kinds of nongonococcal.

EP18: Is this some action movie?

Cruising and dogging along comes our guest David, a producer/filmmaker, talking about what it’s like to be both homosexual and heterosexual, how we might all be programmed, and the reason that the day he lost his virginity is one he can never forget.

EP17: My Mom was born in a toilet

Straight out of the butt hole of Texas, Nana dances her way into the hearts of our hosts with stories of love-able evil Aunts, taking shots of tequila with her alleged Father, and building loving relationships with fit guys even if their dick game is trash.

EP16: Foibles and Peccadilloes

A gay man comfortable in a woman’s body, Kim Bob Benny talks about strapping young boys in huarache sandals, wanting to start a giant reservation for women so they can screen for asshole men, and gives a spicy new meaning to desk jobs.

EP14: The Princess Spanky Pants Fan Club

Comedian Emma Arnold talks to Zaeli and Chris about being a Mother of six, moonlighting as a Mormon, and her journey to realizing she’s more than just one of the guys.

EP13: I slayed the Dragon

A long time friend of Chris’ came to visit Austin and decided to take a seat in the cock-pit to share stories of meeting his girlfriend in a fantasy land, dicks getting bent out of shape, and just how intimately he and Chris know one another.

EP12: From asexual to a sexual deviant

Health coach, Japanese enthusiast, and champion of misfits, Emile walks us through her journey out of self harm into a more nutritious life, falling in love with an entire city, and the power of seeing those whom feel invisible.

EP11: Got the talk from talk radio

This week we explore the mind of a man who grew up with pigs, fled the Midwest for greener pastures, and despite his comfort sporting a “man-kini” always wondered if by not being attracted to men, he was missing out on something.

EP10: M.C. Pussy Christmas

Director and world class comedian Paul Provenza joins Zaeli and Chris in the cock-pit to discuss growing up surrounded by strong women, being stuck in the first girl he ever slept with, and how is becoming more and more like a chimp everyday.

EP9: Hand gestures make more sense

With a shaved head like Eleven of Stranger Things, the wild child Claire tells tales of running away from home, getting her creepy P.E. teacher fired, and how birth control gets under her skin.

EP8: Mouths just taste like that

This week comedian Lindsey Easterwood cuts to the chase as she always does, to tell us what it’s like to be twenty as fuck and livin’ off cake here in the Lone Star State capital. Spoiler: it’s a most hilarious mix of casual and wild.

EP7: The egg had a veil

What’s the difference between having style and seeking attention? How should a man flirt with your womb? Our guest Alyssa shares about growing up a smart-ass and getting southern manners spanked right into her.

EP6: The package came with the package

Comedian, veteran, and tall righteous lady Jami Schoffner fills us in on her past stealing cars, driving submarines, and dealing with the dick she never asked for.

EP5: The tits in my family

On brand as a way of life, Cassidy shares her thoughts on Jesus as a lover, co-creating a phallus with a friend, and the importance of being nice.

EP4: What are straight people?

A master of modern ballet and self-given tats, Alex tells us what makes a blowjob good, who’s into diaper play, how everyone wins when you don’t compete, and why a podcast is all about the outfit.

EP2: One half of a power couple

Hitch up your fanciest basketball shorts because today we’re talking with up and coming comedian Danny Palumbo about ambitious women, the pressure to be promiscuous, and that time sex landed him in the ER.

EP1.2: Pretty Woman-y

Finish the juiciness you started; hear the rest of our interview with Ixi here! It’s got broken engagements, non-monogamy, and the alleged selfishness of female self-esteem.

EP1: Pretty Woman-y

For our very first episode, Chris and Zaeli put a truly special lady on the spot: traveling wedding photographer, longtime Austinite, and recent New York Times Magazine cover girl, Ixi Kirkilis! Here in Part One, we talk growing up as an only child, having sex in your parents’ house, and repressed adolescent gender dysphoria!

EP41: Were you a boy who became a girl?

This podcast plays like a Tom Robbins audio book. A trouble maker, fitted in thrift retro polyester, and complete with Lisa Loeb glasses, young Zaeli had posters of her face plastered around her boarding school to warn the other students. She laments her time spent with Joseph Smith, explains why she’s a lipstick non-binary pagan, and how she has a tendency to suck the femininity out of the room.